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  1. #1321
    Quote Originally Posted by Rax View Post
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    What do you wanna know?
    What my power is
    http://www.millenniumforums.com/signaturepics/sigpic12330_1.gif

  2. #1322
    Red Hero Rax's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zu View Post
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    What my power is

    Name: Zu Ji
    Essence: Flourished Torrent
    Essence Weapon: Meadow's Glaive

    Zu's Essence by its basic level is to blend in with the colors around him, but also gives him the ability to summon a weapon called Meadow's Glaive, a polearm that has two different linked abilities. With the butt end of his spear once he slams it onto the ground he can grow meadows of flowers, which he can then become stealthed by blending into their colored. With the blade end whatever flowers that he created that he cuts, the same AoE of the meadow he conjured, all of the petals from them become weaponized to the point of being able to cut iron. Once weaponized Zu can control them with the blade end of his weapon for various reasons as they trail via floating behind weapon and go in the directions he chooses with said glaive.



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  3. #1323
    Quote Originally Posted by Rax View Post
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    Name: Zu Ji
    Essence: Flourished Torrent
    Essence Weapon: Meadow's Glaive

    Zu's Essence by its basic level is to blend in with the colors around him, but also gives him the ability to summon a weapon called Meadow's Glaive, a polearm that has two different linked abilities. With the butt end of his spear once he slams it onto the ground he can grow meadows of flowers, which he can then become stealthed by blending into their colored. With the blade end whatever flowers that he created that he cuts, the same AoE of the meadow he conjured, all of the petals from them become weaponized to the point of being able to cut iron. Once weaponized Zu can control them with the blade end of his weapon for various reasons as they trail via floating behind weapon and go in the directions he chooses with said glaive.


    Thanks, Rax. This is cool!
    http://www.millenniumforums.com/signaturepics/sigpic12330_1.gif

  4. #1324
    Red Hero Rax's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rax View Post
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    What do you wanna know?
    Quote Originally Posted by Zu View Post
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    Thanks, Rax. This is cool!
    Zu, formerly known as VII, is actually the 7th Child of the Ji Dynasty.



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  5. #1325
    Juan's Avatar
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    ;


    Juan Matador, gimme a run-down.

    abra! kadabra! alakazam!

  6. #1326
    Red Hero Rax's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Juan View Post
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    ;


    Juan Matador, gimme a run-down.
    Anything specific?

    Powers, looks, back story?



    Your friendship?
    I'll take it!


  7. #1327
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rax View Post
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    Anything specific?

    Powers, looks, back story?
    Everything, really.

    abra! kadabra! alakazam!

  8. #1328
    Red Hero Rax's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Juan View Post
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    Everything, really.
    This is just what I got so far. He isn't done.



    Name: Juan Matador
    Gender: M
    Weight: 139 lbs
    Height: 5'8"
    Age: 17
    Team: Juan is currently in the Apprenticehood, a handful of apprentices to members of the Order of the Shroud that are trying to decide a leader for their group.
    BIO:


    Essence: Bullseye Boxer
    Essence Weapon: Sangre Cuerna
    ⦁ Juan's Essence allows him to set a mark upon anything he sees with a "Bullseye". Once struck with either of his fists the mark activates an effect. The effects vary by the design of the mark that forms onto his target. With his gauntlet weapons, the Sangre Cuerna, his mark effects triple and give him the ability to apply two marks at once.


    Techniques:
    ⦁ Cargo De Sueño: A Mark that induces Sleep upon a unit, level of effectiveness depends on the strength gap of who he hits. The damage also increases each time its done against the same target
    ⦁ Ráfaga Toro: A Mark that causes a powerful shockwave upon the marked unit, level of effectiveness depends on the strength gap of who he hits. The damage also increases each time its done against the same target
    ⦁ Lento Estampida: A Mark that induces a slowness upon a unit, level of effectiveness depends on the strength gap of who he hits. The damage also increases each time its done against the same target
    ⦁ Bloquear Impacto: A Mark that locks the marked target to be linked so that they can't leave a ten meter circle from Juan. With his Essence Weapon he can advance this to connect two things together, such as a person to another person or a person to a wall.



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  9. #1329
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    That's.... Actually pretty cool.

    Great job, Rax.

    But I'm 6'1, not a fucking shrimp.

    abra! kadabra! alakazam!

  10. #1330
    Red Hero Rax's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Juan View Post
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    That's.... Actually pretty cool.

    Great job, Rax.

    But I'm 6'1, not a fucking shrimp.
    The smaller bulls are stronger than the larger ones because of compact muscles.



    Your friendship?
    I'll take it!


  11. #1331
    Red Hero Rax's Avatar
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    Been working a lot on characters while I've taken a writing hiatus.

    Currently working on the top Swordsman in the Realm



    Your friendship?
    I'll take it!


  12. #1332
    Mmmm. Beeeer. Zentos's Avatar
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    Read chapter zero, it's not bad. Some details that I noticed, don't know if you've paid attention to them in the future chapters.

    I'd recommend sticking to a single format when it comes to numbers, so it's "either 5'3'' and mach 2" or "five foot three and mach two". Also, it might be better to try describing things, like saying it was two times faster than sound, rather than getting all technical from the very start.
    Ossa's character is supposed to be a rude teenager, and that's fine, but the "shit" comes across really forced. I'm all for swear words in literature, but it needs to paced well.
    Other than that, it was fine. A girl looking for a companion in a peculiar way, a band of useless thugs, a cocky boy that is knowledgeable enough to know that a "boss" follows the minions. Not too many cliches, but nothing too extreme either. A solid balance I'd say.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rax View Post
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    Been working a lot on characters while I've taken a writing hiatus.

    Currently working on the top Swordsman in the Realm
    You need to update this with your latest character.

    Please name the swordsman Mihawk.

  13. #1333
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  14. #1334
    Red Hero Rax's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zentos View Post
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    Read chapter zero, it's not bad. Some details that I noticed, don't know if you've paid attention to them in the future chapters.

    I'd recommend sticking to a single format when it comes to numbers, so it's "either 5'3'' and mach 2" or "five foot three and mach two". Also, it might be better to try describing things, like saying it was two times faster than sound, rather than getting all technical from the very start.
    Ossa's character is supposed to be a rude teenager, and that's fine, but the "shit" comes across really forced. I'm all for swear words in literature, but it needs to paced well.
    Other than that, it was fine. A girl looking for a companion in a peculiar way, a band of useless thugs, a cocky boy that is knowledgeable enough to know that a "boss" follows the minions. Not too many cliches, but nothing too extreme either. A solid balance I'd say.



    You need to update this with your latest character.

    Please name the swordsman Mihawk.
    Thanks for the criticism

    Also his name is Tartarus Magna



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  15. #1335
    Mmmm. Beeeer. Zentos's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rax View Post
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    Thanks for the criticism

    Also his name is Tartarus Magna
    I'll try to read some more if I'll have the time. Keep it up.

  16. #1336
    Red Hero Rax's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zentos View Post
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    I'll try to read some more if I'll have the time. Keep it up.
    Thanks.



    Your friendship?
    I'll take it!


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