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Aliasniamor
01-02-2016, 03:02 PM
So, problem is, I write in french, and most of the TMFers will therefore not understand my texts, but for those who do speak french, here's my "work"

The first I'll post is one that speaks about the evolution of one given relationship


Les baisers dans le cou,
Les mots doux chuchotés
Et le coeur, chahuté,
Tremble de tout son saoûl.

Des étoiles aux yeux
Qui racontent l'amour :
Quel coeur peut être sourd
Lorsque les mots sont bleus ?

Les jours qui se succèdent,
Les serments prononcés,
Coupables dénoncés
Auxquels notre coeur cède ...

Mais manque cette rage,
L'ancienne passion;
Vient l'obligation
D'être sages, en cage.

Le coeur, même sans ailes,
Rêve de s'envoler;
Sans pouvoir décoller,
Jamais, son regard d'Elle...




English trad :

Kisses in the neck,
Tender words whispered,
And the heart, heckled,
Trembles more than ever.

Stars in the eyes
Telling the love :
What heart is deaf
When words are blue ?*

Days after days,
And oath, and vows
All are guilty
to which the heart cedes.

But the anger's gone
The old passion
Comes the obligation
To be reasonable - locked up-

The heart, even without wings
dreams of flying away,
But never can its eyes
take away from her.**

*In french, "des mots bleus" (blue words) sometimes mean "des mots d'amour" (tender words).

** Here, there was a playword because her and wings sound alike in french (ailes and elle), so when spoken in french, one cannot really no if what is said is "the heart even without her" or without wings. and a second playword because "décoller" (take away ?) can apply to the flight and to the eyes alike.

Crispickle
01-02-2016, 03:19 PM
I know it might sound horrible, but can you consider posting a translation too? Without trying to have the metric matching or keeping the rhythm, just a way for us to understand what we read in your native language.

Aliasniamor
01-02-2016, 03:22 PM
I know it might sound horrible, but can you consider posting a translation too? Without trying to have the metric matching or keeping the rhythm, just a way for us to understand what we read in your native language.

Maybe I'll give it a go :hmm

The thing is, for the one I just posted for example, the "sound game" is certainly the most important part (or so was my purpose :nod)

Crispickle
01-02-2016, 03:27 PM
Maybe I'll give it a go :hmm

The thing is, for the one I just posted for example, the "sound game" is certainly the most important part (or so was my purpose :nod)

Since my language is from the same root as yours, and I've often heard speaking French, my intention is to read it in French. But I just need to add content to form and understand what I read :nod

Aliasniamor
01-02-2016, 03:29 PM
Since my language is from the same root as yours, and I've often heard speaking French, my intention is to read it in French. But I just need to add content to form and understand what I read :nod

Yeah I understand why you're asking it :nod

I have another proposition tho :maybe

Crispickle
01-02-2016, 03:31 PM
Yeah I understand why you're asking it :nod

I have another proposition tho :maybe

_ That I learn French.
_ That you post a vocaroo where you sing it.
_ That I use Google Translate and stfu

I bet it's one of these :LOS

Aliasniamor
01-02-2016, 03:36 PM
_ That I learn French.
_ That you post a vocaroo where you sing it.
_ That I use Google Translate and stfu

I bet it's one of these :LOS

I was thinking of the first one, but the second option is interesting too :hmm

Crispickle
01-02-2016, 03:38 PM
I was thinking of the first one, but the second option is interesting too :hmm

It won't quite solve the problem :maybe

Come on, you can't make poems only Dedede can enjoy :cry

Aliasniamor
01-02-2016, 03:40 PM
It won't quite solve the problem :maybe

Come on, you can't make poems only Dedede can enjoy :cry

Akira speaks french, and Exchelsi some french too it seems :hmm Some others too I'm willing to guess

Crispickle
01-02-2016, 03:42 PM
Akira speaks french, and Exchelsi some french too it seems :hmm Some others too I'm willing to guess

I'm so cut out :catcry

Aliasniamor
01-02-2016, 03:43 PM
I'm so cut out :catcry

I said I'll translate the poems :argh

Just not right now :nod

Crispickle
01-02-2016, 03:44 PM
I said I'll translate the poems :argh

Just not right now :nod

:amuse

black star
01-02-2016, 03:46 PM
TRanslate it otherwise I will negg you alias :evilgrin

Myst
01-02-2016, 04:33 PM
:void

VICE
01-02-2016, 04:36 PM
why can't these be in the millennium library?

Aliasniamor
01-02-2016, 04:37 PM
:void

You understand french ? :iria

- - - Updated - - -


why can't these be in the millennium library?

I hesitated :hmm

Myst
01-02-2016, 04:39 PM
You understand french ? :iria

- - - Updated - - -



I hesitated :hmm

A little bit, but I also had to use Google Translate.

Crispickle
01-02-2016, 04:41 PM
Are poems fit for the Library though?

Dai Don Dedede
01-02-2016, 07:14 PM
I thought most canadians understood French :hmm

Sakura told me she had studied it in school too

Myst
01-02-2016, 07:52 PM
I thought most canadians understood French :hmm

Sakura told me she had studied it in school too

I forgot :ava

Live Fast Eat Ass
01-02-2016, 08:41 PM
Thats dirty

Aliasniamor
01-02-2016, 10:09 PM
Thats dirty

What is ? :hmm

Nordlending
01-02-2016, 10:27 PM
Had it been German I would have had a chance at understanding it.

You are from France.

Aliasniamor
01-03-2016, 01:36 PM
Had it been German I would have had a chance at understanding it.

You are from France.

From Belgium actually, but I speak french indeed.

Aliasniamor
01-03-2016, 01:59 PM
Crispinianus; I tried to make a translation in english. Hope it's good enough for you to understand :s

Perhaps I'll register myself telling the poem if I can motivate myself :p

Crispickle
01-03-2016, 02:08 PM
Now we're talking! :avalon

Aliasniamor
01-03-2016, 02:18 PM
Now we're talking! :avalon

I'm sure that my poem is angy at me for that translation I've made :catcry

meru
04-20-2016, 09:09 PM
So, problem is, I write in french, and most of the TMFers will therefore not understand my texts, but for those who do speak french, here's my "work"

The first I'll post is one that speaks about the evolution of one given relationship


Les baisers dans le cou,
Les mots doux chuchotés
Et le coeur, chahuté,
Tremble de tout son saoûl.

Des étoiles aux yeux
Qui racontent l'amour :
Quel coeur peut être sourd
Lorsque les mots sont bleus ?

Les jours qui se succèdent,
Les serments prononcés,
Coupables dénoncés
Auxquels notre coeur cède ...

Mais manque cette rage,
L'ancienne passion;
Vient l'obligation
D'être sages, en cage.

Le coeur, même sans ailes,
Rêve de s'envoler;
Sans pouvoir décoller,
Jamais, son regard d'Elle...




English trad :

Kisses in the neck,
Tender words whispered,
And the heart, heckled,
Trembles more than ever.

Stars in the eyes
Telling the love :
What heart is deaf
When words are blue ?*

Days after days,
And oath, and vows
All are guilty
to which the heart cedes.

But the anger's gone
The old passion
Comes the obligation
To be reasonable - locked up-

The heart, even without wings
dreams of flying away,
But never can its eyes
take away from her.**

*In french, "des mots bleus" (blue words) sometimes mean "des mots d'amour" (tender words).

** Here, there was a playword because her and wings sound alike in french (ailes and elle), so when spoken in french, one cannot really no if what is said is "the heart even without her" or without wings. and a second playword because "décoller" (take away ?) can apply to the flight and to the eyes alike.



to help your time pass - i mean, cause i love writing o.o

so:
i am not a big fan of poems...
i hate french
love doesn't exist ._.

but i like your poem u_u

pizzadust
04-20-2016, 09:13 PM
I shall learn french to understand your heart better, Alias :ily

Crispickle
04-20-2016, 09:13 PM
i am not a big fan of poems...
i hate french
love doesn't exist ._.


How lame :sag

meru
04-20-2016, 09:14 PM
How lame :sag
not like you are hearing this for the first time :pek

Aliasniamor
04-20-2016, 09:28 PM
to help your time pass - i mean, cause i love writing o.o

so:
i am not a big fan of poems...
i hate french
love doesn't exist ._.

but i like your poem u_u
You what ? Y ou WHAT ? love does not :argh I have no word :argh
Ho you liked it ? :iria

I shall learn french to understand your heart better, Alias :ily
I have an english poem un the making, but it sure doesn t come as easy as in french :catcry

How lame :sag

How can she ... I mean ... Love is real :saysowwy



Makes me think I should update this thread :whew

pizzadust
04-20-2016, 09:31 PM
to help your time pass - i mean, cause i love writing o.o

so:
i am not a big fan of poems...
i hate french
love doesn't exist ._.

but i like your poem u_u

you only say this because you haven't met me, my amour :hmpf

meru
04-20-2016, 09:34 PM
You what ? Y ou WHAT ? love does not :argh I have no word :argh
Ho you liked it ? :iria

I have an english poem un the making, but it sure doesn t come as easy as in french :catcry


How can she ... I mean ... Love is real :saysowwy



Makes me think I should update this thread :whew
well love isn't real -3- but when i write a story it is often a love mini story... o.o or a really dark story o.o but mostly love mini story
i had same problem when i first wrote in english..after the 2nd/3rd page it comes easy XDDDDD

you only say this because you haven't met me, my amour :hmpf
aren't you female? <_<

pizzadust
04-20-2016, 09:52 PM
well love isn't real -3- but when i write a story it is often a love mini story... o.o or a really dark story o.o but mostly love mini story
i had same problem when i first wrote in english..after the 2nd/3rd page it comes easy XDDDDD

aren't you female? <_<

i'm a boyish man :kaga

a harmonization of feminity and masculinity, of romanticism and rationalism, of cold and warm, of cute and hot. I am The Knight of Romance :swag

meru
04-20-2016, 10:07 PM
i'm a boyish man :kaga

a harmonization of feminity and masculinity, of romanticism and rationalism, of cold and warm, of cute and hot. I am The Knight of Romance :swag
so where are the words from your heart written down so i can check those out, little boy? :LOS

pizzadust
04-20-2016, 10:25 PM
so where are the words from your heart written down so i can check those out, little boy? :LOS

You shall be the third(technically 4th) person to view my poetry. I'll revise some of what i've written a bit and shoot you a pm full of dark, tragic, romantic poems :mvp

meru
04-20-2016, 10:28 PM
You shall be the third(technically 4th) person to view my poetry. I'll revise some of what i've written a bit and shoot you a pm full of dark, tragic, romantic poems :mvp
i'll be waiting impatiently and with tears prepared in my eyes in case i need them

Crispickle
04-20-2016, 10:51 PM
i'm a boyish man :kaga

a harmonization of feminity and masculinity, of romanticism and rationalism, of cold and warm, of cute and hot. I am The Knight of Romance :swag

Damn, now this is an intro :whew

Aliasniamor
04-21-2016, 06:45 AM
Damn, now this is an intro :whew

That's our knight of Romance for you :crack

Aliasniamor
04-24-2016, 11:02 AM
Gnothi seauton


Hear ! "Gnothi seauton", they say in a whisper,
It riddles through my soul, an awaited answer
That I can all but grasp, for I am deaf to truth.

I am of many things, the creator and God.
For commoners - like you - my purpose may seem odd,
"What is it that you seek" you'd ask "if not some sooth ?"

I told you already ! Hear ! "Gnothi seauton" ...
Don't you know of Delphi, this sacred site in Greece ?
Those two words are etched on some marble, as a crease.
As a crease to my heart, which it could be read on :

"For long you have wandered, for you share my blindness;
Since you were awakened, you could not distinguish
Between truth or beauty, as me you are foolish :
For long I've been searching this stubbing out brightness."

I have met many men, fragile and innocent,
Strong or gracile as me, self assured - confident;
To whom I'd ask the same many times through the years.

Some would be an artist, seeing behind the veils,
While another would craft wonderful flying sails.
Yet none of them would hold the answer it appears.

I granted more and more - knowledge, power, beauty -
So that would come a day yielding to my old prayer.
You came looking alike a divinity's heir;
Aiming for absolutes was your only duty.

At first sight one could tell, that you shall be the last :
No individual would come as close to me ...
"Hear : "Gnothi seauton" ! this is my gift to thee"
Did you sigh to my lips in a kiss far too fast ...

Crispickle
04-24-2016, 12:25 PM
I'm not a native English but to me this is a beautiful poem, with "beautiful" being the most accurate word to describe both the form and the content. You know what I think of the reversed sonnet but I don't even care anymore :maybe

What did you want to communicate, what inspired you? I might have gotten a grasp but I want to hear you first.

Aliasniamor
04-24-2016, 12:34 PM
I'm not a native English but to me this is a beautiful poem, with "beautiful" being the most accurate word to describe both the form and the content. You know what I think of the reversed sonnet but I don't even care anymore :maybe

About the reversed sonnet, I wanted to have the second one straight, which would have led to a appealing simmetry, but I didn't manage :crispy But I'm still mostly satisfied with it :hmm


What did you want to communicate, what inspired you? I might have gotten a grasp but I want to hear you first.

I think 2 things are of importance mostly :

- First, we cannot see a truth if we search the wrong way, or should I say if we're not open to the idea that the answer could either not please us or surprise us. In this case, the answer was know from verse one.

- Secondly, the same truth, spoken by different people (or more generally in different ways) can resonate quite differently, and thus the forms, intonations, intentions (!) are as important as the sentence itself.

Well that's one way to look at it at least :maybe If you had a completely different idea, it's neither worse nor better than my explanation a priori.

Crispickle
04-24-2016, 12:46 PM
About the reversed sonnet, I wanted to have the second one straight, which would have led to a appealing simmetry, but I didn't manage :crispy But I'm still mostly satisfied with it :hmm

I expected it, not gonna lie. This solution can still work as it operates symmetry on a different axis, if you get what I mean :hmm




I think 2 things are of importance mostly :

- First, we cannot see a truth if we search the wrong way, or should I say if we're not open to the idea that the answer could either not please us or surprise us. In this case, the answer was know from verse one.

- Secondly, the same truth, spoken by different people (or more generally in different ways) can resonate quite differently, and thus the forms, intonations, intentions (!) are as important as the sentence itself.

Well that's one way to look at it at least :maybe If you had a completely different idea, it's neither worse nor better than my explanation a priori.

The first one is rather evident, while I have hard time figuring out the second one even now that I know. What gives it off? :hmm

Aliasniamor
04-24-2016, 12:54 PM
I expected it, not gonna lie. This solution can still work as it operates symmetry on a different axis, if you get what I mean :hmm




The first one is rather evident, while I have hard time figuring out the second one even now that I know. What gives it off? :hmm

Well, the last quatrain tells that this one exceptional individual is the last man through whom the narrator will have a chance at hearing the truth. This individual tells a truth that the narrator apparently knew since long ago, but in such a manner that it now speaks to him (even if that's not explicitely said, but I know it :cena). No matter how he'd heard it before, it wouldn't ring a bell to him before, but if one individual could make him understand then it had to be the last.

pizzadust
04-24-2016, 01:56 PM
Knothi seauton


Hear ! "Gnothi seauton", they say in a whisper,
It riddles through my soul, an awaited answer
That I can all but grasp, for I am deaf to truth.

I am of many things, the creator and God.
For commoners - like you - my purpose may seem odd,
"What is it that you seek" you'd ask "if not some sooth ?"

I told you already ! Hear ! "Gnothi seauton" ...
Don't you know of Delphi, this sacred site in Greece ?
Those two words are etched on some marble, as a crease.
As a crease to my heart, which it could be read on :

"For long you have wandered, for you share my blindness;
Since you were awaken, you could not distinguish
Between truth or beauty, as me you are foolish :
For long I've been searching this stubbing out brightness."

I have met many men, fragile and innocent,
Strong or gracile as me, self assured - confident;
To whom I'd ask the same many times through the years.

Some would be an artist, seeing behind the veils,
While another would craft wonderful flying sails.
Yet none of them would hold the answer it appears.

I granted more and more - knowledge, power, beauty -
So that would come a day yielding to my old prayer.
You came looking alike a divinity's heir;
Aiming for absolutes was your only duty.

At first sight one could tell, that you shall be the last :
No individual would come as close to me ...
"Hear : "Knothi seauton" ! this is my gift to thee"
Did you sigh to my lips in a kiss far too fast ...



This is extremely good. It really has a feel of divinity, the atmosphere it creates is very grand and otherworldly. Is it about a god elevating man higher and higher until this god creates an... ubermensch?

I think there are a few places where the part of speech is wrong,but I'm not sure if that was intentional or not. If not, mind if I touch it up a bit?

Aliasniamor
04-24-2016, 02:01 PM
This is extremely good. It really has a feel of divinity, the atmosphere it creates is very grand and otherworldly. Is it about a god elevating man higher and higher until this god creates an... ubermensch?

The story is that indeed, as for the intended message, it's written in spoilers as an answer to Crispy !


I think there are a few places where the part of speech is wrong,but I'm not sure if that was intentional or not. If not, mind if I touch it up a bit?

I'm not sure what a part of speech is :psyduck I don't mind as long as I can answer to it :maybe (I'm overprotective with my texts, I hope you understand :nod)

pizzadust
04-24-2016, 02:04 PM
The story is that indeed, as for the intended message, it's written in spoilers as an answer to Crispy !



I'm not sure what a part of speech is :psyduck I don't mind as long as I can answer to it :maybe (I'm overprotective with my texts, I hope you understand :nod)

there's only a few places like 1 or 2 I think. Here's one of them

"Since you were awaken, you could not distinguish"

grammatically I think "awaken" should be "awakened"

Aliasniamor
04-24-2016, 02:06 PM
there's only a few places like 1 or 2 I think. Here's one of them

"Since you were awaken, you could not distinguish"

grammatically I think "awaken" should be "awakened"

indeed awaken is incorrect :argh fortunately it doesn't change the number of syllables of the word :whew

pizzadust
04-24-2016, 02:11 PM
indeed awaken is incorrect :argh fortunately it doesn't change the number of syllables of the word :whew

"So that would come a day yielding to my old prayer."

"So there* would come a day yielding to my old prayer"

This was the only other thing I saw.

This poem was super good btw. It really draws me into another world, similar to the feeling you get during an intense(might not be the right word) part of a really good novel and it seems like you're there and can feel what's happening.

Aliasniamor
04-24-2016, 02:23 PM
"So that would come a day yielding to my old prayer."

"So there* would come a day yielding to my old prayer"

This was the only other thing I saw.

This poem was super good btw. It really draws me into another world, similar to the feeling you get during an intense(might not be the right word) part of a really good novel and it seems like you're there and can feel what's happening.

Thx :nod If you see any other inaccuracies don't hesitate telling me ! And thx for the appreciation, I'm very glad it pleases you :mvp

If I may ask, I thought "So that a day would come ..." was correct, why is "there" the correct wording here ? :hmm

pizzadust
04-24-2016, 02:36 PM
Thx :nod If you see any other inaccuracies don't hesitate telling me ! And thx for the appreciation, I'm very glad it pleases you :mvp

If I may ask, I thought "So that a day would come ..." was correct, why is "there" the correct wording here ? :hmm

"so that a day would come" seems fine. I'm not the best with grammar myself, so I could be wrong, it just sort of sounds a bit weird/off to say "so that would come a day". You should probably consult a someone who's better than english than me on here, I'd hate to be giving you wrong advice :p

X would've been perfect since he's an English Major, but he's gone now :sag

meru
04-24-2016, 10:17 PM
Gnothi seauton


Hear ! "Gnothi seauton", they say in a whisper,
It riddles through my soul, an awaited answer
That I can all but grasp, for I am deaf to truth.

I am of many things, the creator and God.
For commoners - like you - my purpose may seem odd,
"What is it that you seek" you'd ask "if not some sooth ?"

I told you already ! Hear ! "Gnothi seauton" ...
Don't you know of Delphi, this sacred site in Greece ?
Those two words are etched on some marble, as a crease.
As a crease to my heart, which it could be read on :

"For long you have wandered, for you share my blindness;
Since you were awakened, you could not distinguish
Between truth or beauty, as me you are foolish :
For long I've been searching this stubbing out brightness."

I have met many men, fragile and innocent,
Strong or gracile as me, self assured - confident;
To whom I'd ask the same many times through the years.

Some would be an artist, seeing behind the veils,
While another would craft wonderful flying sails.
Yet none of them would hold the answer it appears.

I granted more and more - knowledge, power, beauty -
So that would come a day yielding to my old prayer.
You came looking alike a divinity's heir;
Aiming for absolutes was your only duty.

At first sight one could tell, that you shall be the last :
No individual would come as close to me ...
"Hear : "Gnothi seauton" ! this is my gift to thee"
Did you sigh to my lips in a kiss far too fast ...





I'm not a native English but to me this is a beautiful poem, with "beautiful" being the most accurate word to describe both the form and the content. You know what I think of the reversed sonnet but I don't even care anymore :maybe.
^THIS
crispi found the right words i wanted to tell you after reading this poem, and i couldn't even word it cause i was speechless in the end to say this

WRITE MORE OF THESE
even with your english not being the mother tongue i have HIGH expectations here *^*